


How Could I Ever Have Forgotten You

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-17
Updated: 2014-07-22
Packaged: 2018-01-07 19:01:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1123268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave Strider has been asleep for the last year and ten months of his life. He's struggling to remember someone, someone who he may or may not be in love with. The only thing he has that's proof that this guy existed was just a name and the broken heart that he left behind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Red Converse](https://archiveofourown.org/works/705852) by [MageofHeart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MageofHeart/pseuds/MageofHeart). 



> I hope the summary doesn't lead too much on (like whether or not it'll be the most amazing story). So, just so you know, I'm no good at tagging. And I might change the title. Enjoy! ^_^

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And for some reason, he would open his mouth and these words would come out, words he didn't mean to say

There, in a dreary white hospital room, in a hard uncomfortable hospital bed, lays a young man named Dave Strider. He has just woken up from a long, long slumber. He has been asleep for the past year and ten months of his life. Dave has been in a coma.

He spots a calendar on the white stone wall. October first, 2019 is circled in red marker whilst the other previous big fat red circles had been marked out.

In a bit over a month Dave turns twenty-four. So at the moment he is only twenty-three. He went into a coma around the age of twenty-one. His memory is fine besides the black spots. He can't pull anything from them. He remembers a sister, her name is Rose. An older annoying brother. An aunt, a best bro and his cousin. Dave remembers almost everything. The black holes in his memory make him feel uncomfortable. Like someone's stolen them. Like someone has been inside his head.

Were they bad? Depressing? Happy ones? Why are they missing?

Maybe they were hiding somewhere in a antique box. Maybe a key was needed to get inside. Maybe the key was silver and had curly markings on them. Maybe it was the most captivating key ever. Maybe it was the ugliest.

What were these thoughts? A pretty key? And ugly one? Weren't they all just keys?

 _No,_ Dave thinks. _No, it's different. I need to find this key, because if I don't- If I don't,it'll drive me insane. I need my memories back, even if they only give me great sadness._

To be honest, Dave was a man with many words. But rarely ever did they actually mean jack shit. But even if that was true, it didn't mean his thoughts were deeper, more sophisticated and realistic.

Sometimes he just wished he could say all these things out loud. Tell everyone what you think of everyone. Like how he thinks the way John throws around 'Homosexual' is insulting. Or maybe how, he felt Rose needed someone to talk to. The last he remembered of her, she looked so weighed down.

And for some reason, he would open his mouth and these words would come out, words he didn't mean to say. Words like, _I love you_ or _I'm sorry_. He tried, but he couldn't ever speak what he truly meant to say. Maybe his blank spots have something to do with that.

Dave turns over, god damn hospital beds, and rests his tired eyes. If he's slept for almost two years, then why does he need to sleep? Don't you think it would be enough?


	2. Chapter One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave went to look at the next person in the doorway but the spot was empty. It startled him. Someone was supposed to be there.

Dave wakes up a few hours later, and his room is completely empty. Has anyone visited at all? A nurse walked in at that moment and looked startled to see him awake. Then she smiled warmly. She said, "Doc's gonna want to here your awake. But I'll save you a few more minutes."

Dave suddenly felt grateful towards this random nurse. He opened his mouth to say something along the lines of thanks. But when he went to speak all that came out was, "Ah-eh. Ah." His voice was scratchy and it kind of hurt to even make a noise. Instead, he ignored the pain and tried saying something again. "Ah."

How did you say that word again? Didn't it make a thh noise, like saying shh with a lisp? He knew how to spell it. But, how to make the sounds? Dave felt lost. A sense of dread washed over him. He's lost his voice. Fucking perfect. Now he gets to waltz around like the Little Mermaid with brand new legs and a stolen voice. Hey, maybe someone died his hair red while he was out. At least it might match his fucking demon eyes. At least, that's what that old lady said when he was nine.

He had the best childhood ever. Ever.

Eventually, the nurse said she had to go get the doctor and left the room. Heh. The Doctor. _Maybe he'll come and save me, and find my voice for me? And we'll live happily ever after. Pfft. What the fuck ever._

Soon, the nurse reentered with the doctor right behind her. Doc was tall and was wearing a bright green button up shirt under his coat. His hair was white, like Dave's own (possibly, someone might have died his hair).

He looked bored, and Dave wondered why he'd be here if he was so bored of his job. He spoke plainly, "Right. I'm Doctor Scratch and from what your nurse has told me, you've lost your voice. Which is normal. I recommend therapy and we've called your sister, she will be here during visiting hours along with some others. You will most likely be released tomorrow afternoon, we need to check a few things. And I believe that is all."

That was it. Literally. What a douche. Dave learned that the nurse's name was Rachael, and she was nice. She was quite chatty though, talking his ear off with random shit. Stuff like how her cousin's friend's friend was having a kid and so on. Although Dave would rather not be in the middle of Gossip Girls talking about how Kristy was pregnant at the age of just seventeen. Yeah, let's not.

Rachael had him wiggling his toes and fingers. He guessed to see if his brain was still intact. He was never good with anatomy.

Someone knocked on the door of the room. "Yes?" Rachael called out, making him sit in criss-cross apple-sauce formation. The door opened and another nurse popped his head in. "Hey Rachael, kid's gotta few visitors." He spoke with a deep voice, kind of buff.

"Alright, bring them on in! I'm sure Mr. Strider here will be glad to see someone besides boring ol' nurses and doctors." She gave Dave a warm smile and he felt bitter. She was talking about him like he was eight. The nurse in the door nodded and opened the door wider.

First it was a girl. Cropped blonde hair with a dark purple headband on top. She was curved, and wore a long skirt and sweater. Her lips were painted black and her nose was a bit small. But just the right kind of small. Her eyes were almond shaped with thick lashes framing them. Her irises were purple. She smiled softly at Dave. _Rose_. (Lalonde.)

Then it was a bucktoothed kid. Hair black and sticking out in different directions, like it was trying to run away from his scalp. He was slightly skinny, but Dave figured he could throw a good punch. His jaw-line was awesome, nose slightly curved and Dave thought it fit him. He gave Dave a toothy grin. _John_. (Or, Egbert.)

Then next was another girl. Her hair was long and black like John's (John's hair wasn't long, obviously) it rolled around in waves around her waist. She was wearing a random white shirt with a dog head on it and her favorite white skirt. Her skin was tan and her nose was kind've pointed, but who cared. Her green eyes were wide and excited. She gave him the biggest smile in the world, showing her buckteeth. _Jade_. (Harley.)

Dave went to look at the next person in the doorway but the spot was empty. It startled him. Someone was supposed to be there. But why can't he remember them? Who are they? Why did his chest hurt?

As if sensing Dave's disturbance, his three best friends entered the room and the two nurses left. Rose's eyes had bags under them from sleepless nights. "I would be so exasperated with you if I didn't know it wasn't your fault. We were all quite distressed." Dave slightly smiled, what else could he do, he couldn't speak.

"They told us about your voice. Dude, I am so sorry. But we brought a notepad and pen, so you could try and write to us instead." Egbert piped in. Jade grinned and handed Dave a red note book and red pen. He took it, pen in the right hand and tried to write. It was literally scribbles and maybe a letter here and there.

"I do remember you being left handed," Rose spoke, obviously amused. Of course. He switched the pen to the other hand, then trying again to write his earlier sentence.

_Who's missing?_

Jade frowned, obviously upset. John looked liked he wanted to punch something. Rose looked a bit sad. She sat on the bed next to Dave, and so did the rest of them, piling around him. Jade began to rub his back, and he felt like they were going to break the worst news to him.

"Karkat's missing." Jade said. You felt confused. Who's Karkat? Suddenly John started ranting.

"That asshole! I swear to god if I see him again, I'm going to bash his he-" he was silenced with a glare from Rose.

"Karkat was your partner. Something happened, and you wouldn't talk to us. As you can see, this is why John is upset." She spoke calmly.

"Yeah! He broke your heart into pieces! You were so sad all the time, and the only thing you'd ever say to us about it is that you never wanted to see him again and to forget it." Jade said, still rubbing calming circles into his back.

"And then you got into the accident. He doesn't know your here. He's never called to ask about you or anything." She added.

"Asshole." John said again, crossing his arms. Jade slightly nodded in agreement but Rose said nothing.

He wanted to cry for some reason (it was like these emotions welled up inside him, ready to burst). He never cried, so he wasn't going to start now. Besides, what's the point in crying over someone he doesn't remember?

Dave smiled at them, he was okay now. There wasn't a reason for them to get upset. They all smiled back and he was happy. He had people who truly cared for him, and he'd never complain. Because he wasn't a bitch. He loved his friends, even if he'd never actually say so. They knew it anyway.

They all quietly talked (and he wrote) until visiting time was over and they had to leave. He waved a good-bye and was worn out by the time the nurse came in to check on him. And that, was the last he remembered of today.

Except, for a dream. A strange dream, one with the details all scattered. But it was real. He knew it was real when he woke up next morning.

He vaguely remembered a loud screeching noise, like a car hitting the breaks too late. And this sick crunching noise. He was on a road, and he was upset, but that was all he could remember. It was kind of horrifying, left him feeling scared. _What did he do? Why was he so upset?_


	3. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's different, and he can tell everyone else knows that too. His walk isn't the same, as silly as that sounds, there's no confident strut with a head raised high. Just stumbling around, with his eyes always on his feet to be ready to catch himself if he fell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I've deleted and re-written this chapter about a billion times and I didn't know how to spell the word duffelbag. So, hopefully there aren't billions of mistakes and I hope you enjoy.

Dave is released the following day, like promised. He's different, and he can tell everyone else knows that too. His walk isn't the same, as silly as that sounds, there's no confident strut with a head raised high. Just stumbling around, with his eyes always on his feet to be ready to catch himself if he fell. It felt as if he was in a new skin, getting used to new long limbs and big ass feet.

Why would it feel so strange to be in a body he's been in his whole life? Why did this all seem completely new to him?

The nurse, Rachael, lead him down to the lobby, where his sister was waiting, a smile lifting the corners of her lips. She didn't used to smile so often, and he wonders what changed.

The drive to Rose's house is quiet, not that Dave would expect any less. His voice is just gone and to just start babbling would be a miracle. She watched the road and glanced over at him every once in a while, as if to make sure he was really there. Instead of just showing some form of acknowledgement to tell her, Yes I'm really here I'm not some hallucination, he tapped rhythms on the side of his leg.

What was he supposed to do now? Just laze around and wait for something to happen? He knew he couldn't just act like a leech and smooch of his friends the rest of his life. (Well, maybe he was being a tad dramatic, he should be able to speak in quite a few years [that is if he tried]. But he just felt so useless right now.)

Arriving at Rose's house was strange. And now that he thinks about it, it sort of feels like everyone or everything has left him behind. Her house looks different somehow, more sunken in the ground, and the once bright yellow paint was now covered in dirt. He could only imagine what the inside looked like. Shitty ass taken photographs that was missing his emotionless face. The old scratched up love seat replaced with a new, even darker, purple love seat.

Maybe the walls were painted different colors? What about the guest room he had claimed his so very long ago? He wasn't going to lie, the thought of his friends and family moving on without him hurt. It was hard to think they gave up on him, and went back to living (or maybe trying) normally. He could imagine rose tearing down his ironic posters and painting the walls white, having one of her other artistic friends paint the walls in purple and pink flowers, putting in a cradle for her newborn child that doesn't exist.

It almost made him sick.

He stepped out of the car empty handed, feeling like he should have a duffelbag or something, because he should be coming back from some kind of world traveling instead of fucking coming out of a coma.

Rose opens the door, and John happens to be in the living room right next to the front door, playing video game with his girlfriend Vriska. Dave doesn't bother to nod at them, just speeds his way to the bathroom, trying to ignore the previous mentioned shitty ass taken pictures on the wall.

The door is locked behind him and Dave looks into the mirror, regretfully realizing that, no, someone did not dye his hair red. He's left silently wondering why couldn't he just simply be a little not-so-mermaid with a brand new pair of legs? Why does he feel so much like shit now? Man, he was perfectly fine before all this.

An image appears in his head (what was it called? A Flashback! That's it), and he feel like someone just punched him in the gut, all the air leaving his lungs with a whoosh noise. And everything just sort of comes together, like a puzzle. It was the dream he had last night. Dave stumbles forwards, towards the mirror, and he's gripping the marble counter to keep from falling.

Pale freckled hands are steering a car, ones that he recognizes as his own. The roads blurred and he knows he crying. He can see the blurry red taillights. His hands are shaking on the wheel and he knows he's freaking out, he's so lost he's in this black abyss he'll never come back from, and he's thinking thousands of 'what if's' and he finally concludes to one small decision that has a big impact: _fuck it._

His hands are suddenly jerking to the left, wheels shrieking in protest, while he could hear a distant sound of others tires burning, trying to avoid Dave's disaster path. Lights were suddenly squirming everywhere, moving this way and that like glowworms.

He ran into a cement wall, the ones that separates you from the other half of the highway. The back of his car had leaped up, trying to decide whether or not to flip over on the other side. In the end, it just falls back down, staying on the right side of the highway.

His head is pounding, blood is everywhere, and he slowly sinks into unconsciousness, smiling because, after all, he got what he wanted didn't he?

Dave stumbles away from the mirror horrified. He tried to kill himself. What was _wrong_ with him? The mirror stared back at him, and it was as if for just a split second, his reflection was grinning at him. _I'm going insane, oh my god, I'm going insane._

Dave's hand blindly reach for the doorknob and the door flies open, everything's a blur and Dave's head can't keep up with his feet that are fleeting out of the bathroom. Why did he want to die? What the hell was wrong with him? What about his sister and John, and Jade, and Vrisk even if the two weren't that close. And Dirk? Shit, he would bring Dave back to life just to kick Dave's ass.

He runs into the living room to find everyone he held dear huddled on the floor or couch. And he just slumps to his knees. Relief and grief, and thoughts of, "God, what would I ever do without you all?" ran through his head.

Jade, John, Vriska, Rose, Dirk, Roxy, and fucking _Terezi-_ how long has it been since he's seen her he doesn't know- were all looking at him now. 

And Dave just sobbed once. And then it all came crashing down- like a fucking tsunami- as he startling bawling, falling down the rest of the way like he was bowing down to some all might god. His arms were over his head like how they had you huddle against the walls at a school for tornado drills and forced you to cover your head.

Tz was the first to stand up and hug him. The rest followed soon after and he felt so _guilty_. How could he even try to do that to them?

And he's never felt so loved in his life, and wasn't that just screwed up, because he's never been attached to any of them until now? Why couldn't he man the fuck up and just tell them that he loved them and he was sorry. But what would he be apologizing for? For being such a cry-baby? For being selfish?

Maybe just to say for all those other times he didn't say it. When stupid ass words filled in, thieving the ones that were meant to be spoken. He felt so desperate and so very fucking scared.

Vriska was rubbing John's arm, as if to communicate through John to Dave while Tz just rocked him. Dirk tapped out beats into his shoulder and Roxy kept murmuring things, trying to soothe him. John was hugging him while Rose and Jade rubbed patterns into his back.

Eventually they all just sat there, together rocking back and forth because their fear had become reality, Dave wasn't the same durable person he was, and something- heck anything- had the risk of breaking him. He felt so pathetic, having to hold onto his friends for everything now. He could have always been like this and just not noticed. He really hopes not, he'd rather had just been second guessing himself. Instead of dwelling, because let's face it, there had been so much dwelling already, there wasn't a need for it, Dave Hugged Terezi. Just wrapped his arms around her and squeezed.

He could have died, and never gotten to see their faces again. That's what hit harder than anything else. He would never again see Rose's annoying understanding words on pesterchum, or John's fascination with Nic Cage, or Jade's flower shop, or Dirk's stupid pointy anime shades, or Vriska's typing quirk, or Roxy's drunken dances, or even Terezi's terribly (ironically) drawn comic's.

 _I don't think I'll ever want to say good-bye to them. Ever_.

And so he won't. Ever.


	4. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's weird to be dreaming about a scar to be honest. But it wasn't just about the scar itself, it was the relief that came with a person he'd never met.

It's been about a week since he came home, to Rose's place. And he had this weird dream.

Dave has this scar that starts at the right of his collarbone and runs a zig-zagged path to his left hip, right where the skin curves over the bone. Jade's big ass dog and him where running around in Jade's big ass yard. Something happened and the next thing Dave knew he was on the ground, his shirt practically torn in half and a huge gash burning his flesh. Well, more like stabbing, it fucking hurt. He couldn't count how many stitches he got to be honest. Bec was an amazing dog, and was used to people who could handle being jumped. Like Harley and all her strength for example. She honestly had a chance in beating Bro at a strife. (Which was sad, considering she wasn't the one raised by him.)

Now he had tons of other scars on his body, mostly due to strife's, and others he didn't ever remember being there. But this one was more permanent, like this constant reminder of he-doesn't-know-what. And it always had this itch, one he could never quite relieve. When Dave got in anyway emotional besides being happy and all that jazz, the scar just burned and he'd scratch and scratch but nothing helped.

But, to get to the point, Dave had a weird dream about the ugly white line on his chest that night. It's weird to be dreaming about a scar to be honest. But it wasn't just about the scar itself, it was the relief that came with a person he'd never met.

Now this guy seemed a bit moody- okay maybe that was an understatement- but he just relieved an itch he could never cure and it was so strange. His hair black, as dark as the night before dawn and his eyes were this strange brown color (but that for some reason just didn't _feel_ \- or fit- right) and he seemed insistent on wearing this ugly looking grey jacket with a red cancer sign stitched on the breast. And all Dave could do in the dream was smile at him, like he was the best thing in the world. And this guy, he traced the zig-zag scar like he knew it perfectly from memory, because the path his finger traced was exactly the same.

He should know, he's only seen it about a dozen times and more.

And that itch was just gone, and this calming sense washed over him. Like he's been carrying some kind of burden for decades, and once it was lifted, he was soaring.

And he knew he needed to find this random person, because that itch was back and it had needles prickling into his skin, and God, did he need relief more than ever.

And _holy shit_ that was a fucking weird mental rant to wake up to.

He didn't mention it to his sister or brother, or his friends, because he knew something upsetting would follow after. So instead he silently agreed to go to the mall for some entertainment.

He couldn't help but look over at every stranger when they finally settled down to eat lunch at the food court. Thank god he had his shades because he was not prepared to hear the question, 'what are you looking at?', he simply had no answer.

He sloppily wrote- he really needed to work on his hand writing and quite possibly his spelling- down in the little red notepad and felt like he was in Blue's Clues, looking for hints.

Because, wasn't that what he was really doing? Looking for something? Anything? And then he saw him, directly across the food court wiping down the counter area by the cash register at some- probably revolting- sushi bar.

Holy shit this guy really existed? What the fuck was he doing in his dreams? Why was a sense of familiarity washing over him? Why was he asking so many questions? Why can't he just leave him be? Get back to his own life?

He looked different than from that dream. Like in the dream he was more fuzzy, like he didn't exist and was Dave's imagination. But, even though he was at quite a distance, he looked _real_. And _alive_. He was at a normal height, although he would be considered an ant next to Dave. Anyone probably would if he was being fair.

Fingers snapped in front of his face and Dave blinked slowly before turning his head to look at the person. Jade was giggling fondly as she said, "Hello? Is anybody in there?"

Dave shrugged as if to say, "I don't know. Is there?"

"We've been trying to get your attention for a few minutes there Dave," John filled in helpfully. He just shrugged again and wrote down, Sorry. and with out meaning to his head turned back to the strangers direction, and started to stare again. Only this time, his friends noticed. Oops.

"What are you staring at?" Rose inquired before trying to follow his gaze.

"Dude, it's uncool to pay more attention to some random guy than your family." Dirk just said. Dave rolled his eyes. Typical.

"He must be delicious if he's worthy of all your attention Coolkid." Terezi smirked.

John just laughed loudly before copying Rose, and turning his head to look behind him. "Yeah, must be pretty speci-" John broke off. John stiffened and this must be exactly why Dave didn't mention the dream to any of them. The easy going mood at the small table instantly changed and it was just quiet and tense. Dave felt like someone was going to pounce and attack the innocent kid across the food court, doing nothing but washing counters.

John turned back to look at Terezi and glared daggers at her. "Why didn't you tell us _'He'_ was working here?" He sounded really worked up over this.

"I didn't know! We may still be friends but it's not like he tells me everything!" Terezi shot back.

"Well you should have known!"

"I'm so- _rry_ I don't constantly check up on him all the time!"

"Yeah, well you should be!"

And then came the full on argument between the two of them, it just got annoying. He really doesn't need the two of them bickering, there voices were getting annoying. He just wanted to slam his palm down on the table and say, 'Would you two just shut up?"

But, of course, his tongue got in the way, not enabling him to say what he wanted to. Or anything at all for that matter.

So instead he just opted to stand up, his chair almost falling backwards from the sudden movement and they all went silent, eight eyes watching him. If only Vriska was here she'd get excited. He just walked across the tiled floor, dumped his food and kept walking towards the most likely terrible sushi bar. And he just stopped when he came close enough to gaze at the kid, stare at the midnight hair that stuck out, and the not so right brown eyes.

Except now, both of those things were brighter, like leaves in the spring when everything was brand new again. He was wearing a black apron that was clearly not needed except for the flimsy name tag pinned to it saying Karkat in swirly black sharpie. He wish he could say it out loud, but his mouth wouldn't work.

The brown eyes came up to meet his through the shades, looking at him but not quite seeing as he dully said, "Can I take your order?"

Then his eyes widened like they were going to pop out of his sockets and these emotions of guilt and agony flickered on his face and it made Dave want to break down himself, just jump over the counter and hold him in his arms. It's crazy isn't it? Crazy to just want to walk up to a stranger and just hug them till your heart's content.

His eyes looked glossy and his mouth opened letting out this huge gush of hair. "Dave." and then he said it again, a little more disbelieving. " _Dave_."

And in the end, Dave just walked away. Like nothing had happened. He had nothing to write down, and nothing to say. So he just turned around and walked back past his table and just left.

Disappointment was the one thing he felt.

The itch wasn't gone.

It only got worse.


	5. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He should have kept the 'crazy insane bitch' in the long term memory folder. Because Terezi was the kind of person to do exactly that.

Karkat Vantas meet Terezi Pyrope at a college party his friend Sollux threatened to drag him to if he didn't come along willingly. Sollux claimed that for "an angry little shit, he was fucking shy". So, yeah, maybe Karkat was shy and his only friends where pot heads, bi-polar, and a bucked tooth weirdo who happens to be obsessed with Nic Cage. Which, two are only known in real life, last was met online while using Pesterchum.

Back to the point, Karkat met Terezi at his first college party _(and in which Sollux had sarcastically said, "My baby's all grown up now!")_ and most likely his last. The first thing Karkat noticed was she was a crazy insane bitch and the second thing to notice was that she was obsessed with artificially flavored red things. Mostly cherry flavored things.

Then she had proceeded to threaten to lick his face in he didn't dance with her. Which he ignored, because _who the fuck_ licks somebody's face? He should have kept the ' _crazy insane bitch'_ in the long term memory folder. Because Terezi was the kind of person to do exactly that.

So, in short, Karkat had been pressured into dancing with this stranger, and he couldn't even dance. She had practically laughed at him the whole time.

But then he met Terezi again, to her delight. And then another time. and another. And another. Then- TADA! Friendship happens. It goes to show Karkat can't pick sane friends. so now is list of friends became plus one: _The crazy (insane) bitch who licks faces._

So, Terezi became Karkat's number 1 & 2 on his friends list (because no one could replace Sollux, no matter how much of a bipolar asswipe he was). So when Sollux dragged him to parties, he dragged Terezi along with him, even if she was more than happy to go anyway. And while Sollux would go talk to Aradia, Terezi would ward off any stranger from approaching Karkat and her with glares. They would huddle up close together somewhere in a corner and just talk while the music boomed all around them. Sometimes, although it was rare, Terezi would be able to drag Karkat off for a dance or two.

Although one night, things changed, even if was only for that one night. Terezi and Karkat huddled together in another corner of some strangers house. And while Terezi shooed all other living things away from them, one person she let walk on toward them.

It took Karkat a moment to notice that someone was even walking towards them, because nobody really ever tried. But Terezi waved at him and welcomed him in their two person circle. Dave started to talk to Terezi, like he's known her all his life. Now, Karkat new he was just being stupid, but he wanted to believe it was Karkat himself that Terezi had known all her life, and was closer to him than this random guy.

The guy was all limbs, lanky and taller than Karkat, who started his growth spurts late, and was still working on it. His skin was pale, like someone who never sees the sun. His hair was white like snow, and looked kind of soft, well, if you looked past the hairspray he seemed to be wearing. He had a dash of freckles that ran from one cheek to another, up and over his nose. His lips were light pink and looked kind of chapped. He wore shades that completely block anyone on the outside from seeing his eyes. It made Karkat shiver- not in a good way- knowing he could see him with out him knowing.

It was then that Karkat noticed. This guy was obnoxious. No, not in a loud way. Complete opposite really. He was eerily quiet, even the way he spoke was completely mellow. It was the fact that he had this feel about him, like he had this I'm-cooler-than-everyone-in-this-room attitude.

"-what's the point in bringing a friend to a party if you're going to go off and leave them?" Mr. Too-Cool-For-You said. He suddenly looked at Karkat. Well. Maybe he looked at Karkat, but his head for certain tilted towards him. "Well? Are you going to stare at me all night or say something?"

Karkat's face flushed red with anger. Who was he to talk to him like that? He didn't say anything wrong? Obviously, he hadn't said anything at all. What, did he look at him wrong or something? Fuck, this guy just proved Karkat's point. He's totally an asshole.

Okay, so maybe Karkat was being a bit judgmental. But he does have a short fuse.

Terezi just grinned at Karkat. "Oh! Karkat this is Dave! Dave this is Karkat. He's kind of moody."

 _Dave_.

That's. Kind of a nice name.

Dave grinned and waved his hand lazily. "Karkat. What kind of name is Karkat?"

And just completely un-proved his point. Like what the hell dude. And then before he knew it his mouth was open and he was prattling on about the origin of his name. He's never drinking again. "It comes from the word 'Karkata' which, erm, is the Sanskrit equivalent of Cancer. Or, er, it could be from 'Karkinos' which was a giant crab that fought Hercules." By the end of his chatter Karkat is wringing his hands together. A nervous habit. He doesn't talk to other people much. (Hence the Terezi shooing off all living things.)

Dave laughed. "Wow. Someone's filled up with useless knowledge. Can you tell me what my name means?"

He seemed kind of interested? He's still a douche stick. (And what the fuck is a douche-stick Karkat?) "Welp! I'm going to get a drink, you two dumbasses stay here." Terezi pushed herself off the wall and walked towards the other side of the house. Where the drinks are, and where it was most crowded.

Dave slides into her place on the wall and towers over Karkat. He pulls out a phone encased in red. He hands it over to Karkat and smiles at him. "Tell me what my name means?" He says it like a question, although Karkat could tell it was more of a demand. Karkat grabs the phone from Dave's held out hand.

"Couldn't you just do it yourself?" Karkat grouches but pulls up Google on the phone none the less.

"Yeah." He says. Then finishes, "But I like your voice better."

Karkat's positive his face goes crimson at the comment, but doesn't take the bait. Just quietly looks up the meaning of the name Dave as he was told. Because if he said something, he'd probably explode.

"Dave is a Scottish, Welsh, Hebrew, and American name. In general is means Cherished, Beloved, or Friend." Karkat reads aloud, paraphrasing the actual words on the screen. "But, erm, it also means Darling, according to Wikipedia."

Karkat looks up at Dave. And huh, isn't that strange. Wasn't Dave taller than that. And- oh. He's bent down so he's about three inches from Karkat's face and when did that happen? Karkat's eyes widen.

"Will you call me darling then?" Dave says. Completely serious. Until he waggles his eyebrows and his mouth opens up in a huge grin. The laugh that had bubbled out of Karkat's throat was completely unintentional. And he totally _did not_ snort.

"You're an asshole!" Karkat says while laughing and hit Dave in the shoulder. "I totally thought that you were going to molest me!" Dave laughs at that.

"And you punched me because of it? That hurt man." Dave rubs his shoulder while sticking out his lower lip.

"You're a asswipe." Karkat said.

"A what?" Dave asks, a small laugh leaving his lips.

"A asswipe." Karkat repeated and stuck his tongue out.

Suddenly Terezi was back and saying, "Karkat has this weird way of insulting people with actual insults mixed in with random words. His favorite seems to be Fuck Ass. He's a creative weirdo." She ruffled Karkat's hair and Karkat slapped her hand away. Dave laughed again.

And maybe Karkat's just gained a fifth friend. Even if he is arrogant. And rude. But, the more the merrier in his group of fuck-ups.

 

* * *

 

 

Dave woke up the next morning with the remains of a dream slipping through his fingers. Of A boy that liked to know random things and loved his swears. With loud music and Terezi, a familiar friend.

And so Dave sat on his bed at 4:00 in the morning, contemplating this dream, grasping at the remains. Because he wanted to remember the real smile of Karkat. Not his constant sad one he seemed to have every time Dave ran into him.

Then Dave couldn't help but wonder, if there was anything at all between them, between Dave and Karkat, what could shatter that? That perfectness Dave had felt just looking at him that one time. What could shatter the complete awareness of Karkat analyzing?

Love at first sight wasn't a real thing. Because Dave would have felt it again seeing Karkat at the mall. But this? This had to be something. Because Dave remembered from the dream, he kind of felt attached to Karkat. Not in love. Just attached.

And he knew, whatever that shattered that content feeling, it was something bad.

Really bad. Dave almost wished he didn't want to know.


	6. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Truth was, they hadn't talked about Dave in months.
> 
> He had broke Dave's heart a thousand times over.
> 
> But Dave had broke his heart just as much. Ripped it out and just stepped all over it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Erm. Just fill in stuff, the usual.

It was almost two in the morning when Terezi had called Karkat. He was up late doing homework, about to fall off his chair when the house phone rang, echoing through the apartment. Karkat jumped up, surprised at the sudden noise. He got up, shuffling his way into the kitchen to find the phone still ringing patiently.

Karkat picked it up and the first thing he heard surprised him. Terezi was sobbing so loud it sounded like by now she had ran out of tears and just wanted more to come back, so she could keep wallowing. "Ka-Karkat-" She hiccuped and Karkat became worried.

"Terezi? What's wrong? Hey, hey! Calm down OK?" Karkat was suddenly wide awake, concerned for his friend. Terezi sobbed louder and hiccuped once again.

The next words she spoke left Karkat frozen with fear.

"I-it's Dave! Karkat! He- he was in-in a-an acci-accident and-and-" Terezi stopped. Karkat was paralyzed. It felt like eternity before he could move his jaw to form words, his tongue feeling all to thick in his mouth.

"Alright, just hold on! I''l be there as soon as possible!" Then Karkat was rushing back to his bedroom phone on speaker as he rushed around the room looking for clothes.

Terezi's voice cried out from the desk, "No!" That stopped Karkat in his tracks.

"What do you mean no? Dave's hurt! I have to be there!"

**Truth was, they hadn't talked about Dave in months.**

"I-I mean-" she hiccuped again. "if you-you come run-running into the hosp-hospital, John- John will-will slit you-your throat."

**He had broke Dave's heart a thousand times over.**

"And why is that stopping me?" Karkat yelled.

**Yes, he was to blame for that.**

"Don't you remember! You- you and Dave, aren't re-really tog-together anymore! You can't exactly waltz in-in like every-everything is all-all better!"

**But Dave had broke his heart just as much. Ripped it out and just stepped all over it.**

Karkat's will started to crumble. "I! I can't just ignore this!"

**And after the whole fight, Dave just walked out that door.**

"You can't come here!" Suddenly Terezi's voice wasn't shaking, it was firm and scolding.

**And Karkat waited for him to come back.**

"But I-" And he waited, oh how he waited.

**Oh how he waited.**

"No! Karkat- you have to stay away!"

**But he never came back.**

The phone made a clicking noise to signal the end off the call. Karkat sand into his bed. She was right. He had no place being apart of Dave's life. Had no place walking into that hospital with it's chemical smells and white walls. Because he deserved to have his throat slit by John, after what he did to Dave.

And even if Dave deserved it just as much, Karkat couldn't find it in himself to will any kind of pain upon him.

Because he was still waiting. Waiting for Dave to come back and tell him that it was all right.

But nothing was all right.

Because Karkat couldn't walk into that hospital room and look at Dave and then poof! Everything was magically OK. Karkat didn't deserve to be told it was all okay. Or that everything was going to be all right.


	7. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Go back to the bedroom.
> 
> Draw on the walls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this shows the more unstable side of Dave that Karkat kind of broke Dave into and I just wanted you guys to see and understand that.

Blue wasn't his color. He didn't know what he was thinking. Neither was green, or purple, or orange, and god knows, not pink. Yellow wasn't his color either. Or brown.

Everyone knew that. Nothing ever fit but cherry red, and right now all he wanted to do was get away from red. Re with it's flaming passion, or it's intense anger.

Dave didn't want anger or passion. He wanted to just be. Why can't he just be? Why won't his heart stop twisting in his chest?

Dave was done. He was done with trying to form words, done with silently waiting for something, anything, to make it better. Because, now that Dave had thought about it. It's been six fucking months and nothings gotten better. Just the same usual routine.

Wake up.

Brush Teeth.

Hum to himself in the mirror (it's the closest he'll ever get to speaking).

Go to the bathroom.

Wash hands.

Eat breakfast.

Contemplate lasts nights dream while eating breakfast.

Finish eating breakfast and put left over cereal in toilet bowl and flush.

Put cereal bowl and spoon in dishwasher.

Wave good morning to Rose when she stumbles down the stairs with Kanaya whom is wide awake.

Go back to room.

Turn on computer and boot up Pesterchum.

Pester John until he wakes up and talks to Dave.

(On occasion talk to Jade, because you'd rather talk to her than Rose about his problems.)

Stop talking to John (or Jade) and start messing with random music, maybe come up with some new SB&HJ ideas.

Go to the bathroom.

Wash hands.

Go back to the kitchen to make a sandwich.

Go to the bathroom again.

Wash hands again.

Go back to the bedroom.

Draw on the walls. (Real drawing this time, no shitty cartoons).

Go eat Dinner when Rose calls for him.

On nights when company is over: Hang out.

Don't allow anyone into his room, no one can see the way he's turned his wall into a canvas.

Write down a couple things.

Socialize like a human being.

Either nights (alone or not): Say goodnight.

Take a shower.

Crawl into bed.

Have a weird dream about Karkat again.

Wake up.

And JUST FUCKING STOP.

STOP WITH ALL THE STUPID CONVERSATIONS, STOP WAKING UP AND HUMMING TO HIMSELF IN THE MIRROR, STOP HOPING FOR SOMETHING TO FINALLY FUCKING COME ALONG AND MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER ALREADY!

Just.

Stop.

_Please, it hurts. I don't want to hurt._

That's when Dave knew.

No more waiting patiently, no more idle conversation.

And so he walked out, and walked the very many miles to the mall, where he was going to find Karkat.

And he was going to punch someone if he wasn't there.

Rose called after him when he practically ran out of the house.

He ignored her, and he just ran. He ran, and stopped because he ran out of breath- and Jesus fuck he should of brought some water.

Then he ran again. Until he reached the build and walked around until he saw 'Food Court' above a set of double doors. And so he ran their too, ran in, breathing so hard he was probably going to collapse.

And he ran to the shitty sushi bar and there he was, boredly taking someones order as a guy walked up behind to him to give the previous customer their serving. And he finally stopped running.

What was he running for anyway?

Was he running from something?

No. He was running to something.

He found it.

So he walked, face red, his breathing uneven and shallow. He was so loud whilst trying to breathe a few people looked over at him. He certainly caught Karkat off guard.

He was shocked, and then angry. And what the fuck does he have to be angry about?

"Stop doing that asshole!" He shouted.

Dave scribbled in red pen, large and angry, to reply 'What the fuck happened between you and me? and while you're at it, get me a glass of water'

Karkat looked at the writing before stumbling backwards and grabbing a large cup, putting water in it and handing it to Dave. "H-hey Sollux?" The guy from earlier looked at Karkat. "Take over for me for a minute would you?" and then Karkat was over the counter and Dave couldn't drink his water fast enough.

And when Dave expected some huge explanation right then and there, all Karkat did was drag him away. When Karkat finally stopped tugging on his wrist he turned towards Dave with a cold expression on his face.

"This isn't funny. You need to leave."

And just like that the door was slammed in his face as Karkat stormed back to the shitty dead fish bar.

And god damn it.

WHAT THE FUCK DID HE DO THIS TIME? Dave turned and punched the thing closest to him as hard as he could.

As it turns out, it was a wall.

So he punched it again, ignoring the sound of one of his bones crunching, ignoring the pain that shot up his arm as he punched the wall again and again.

Dave can't remember much from then on.

He's pretty sure security kicked him out and he stumbled his way back home, the sun hanging low in the sky by the time he got back.

Rose had asked where had been, fuck she was angry. Angrier than he's ever seen her, completely unreserved.

He told her got kicked out of the mall.

Then he stumbled back to his bedroom.

Take a shower.

Clean the dried blood off his hands.

Go to sleep.

Have a weird dream about Karkat again.

Wake up.


	8. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wished she wouldn't look at him with those sad eyes.
> 
> Just like everyone else did, when they thought he wasn't looking, or paying attention.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I, uh, kind of stopped writing for a while because I happened to think this story was a bit shitty. Like, I sincerely thought it was crap and didn't want to write anymore. But the I went back over it, and it was kind of better than I thought, so I figured I'd write a bit more and see how it goes.

Maybe he ended up curling into himself again, maybe he didn't.

But either way, Dave was no longer himself. Or maybe this was himself.

The true person that lied within his steel soul, hidden within its dark depths.

Maybe that sounds too dramatic.

After the episode he had with Karkat, he just kind of, stopped.

Stopped writing unless he was spoken to, and even then his responses were short. Stopped laughing at Egbert's jokes. Stopped trying to even listen to Rose's long lectures. Stopped smiling when Jade did something cute. Stopped replying to Terezi's shitty comics with his own shitty comics. Stopped trying to one up Dirk by coming up with stupid raps. Stopped bothering to entertain Vriska with spider puns. Stopped grabbing Roxy a drink when she came over.

Because what was the point right?

The only thing he actually did anymore was go to speech therapy which was kind of stupid in itself.

He huddle up in his room most days now.

With multiple buckets of paint and his steadily growing walls of colour. They used to be white.

He thinks, maybe he's obsessed with a boy whose fingers can cure the itch of a scar, and at the same time, make it worse than ever.

That he's obsessed with a boy whose hair is dark, dark like the night sky, when no stars are in sight and the moon hung low.

He thinks, that maybe he's in love with this guy, who no one seems to like.

Maybe he's in love with a boy who appears nowhere but his dreams.

 He thinks, yeah, probably, he's in love with this guy that he only knows the first name of, a guy who isn't very happy, but when he smiled, he lit up like the sun.

And maybe he's just in love with the memory of this guy.

Because he really doesn't seem to be the same.

_He lay, huddled under his blanket in his room_

Dave grabbed a small paint brush from the cup full of various painting, or drawing, utensils on his desk.

_"Dave? What happened, what's going on?"_  

He dragged the paintbrush, held in his left hand, up the wall, in a steady stroke. And repeated the process, changing the lines and directions. 

_Dave stared at the white wall across the room, at the complete blankness, as his friends tried to coax him into giving an explanation._   


Dave didn't know what it was supposed to be. At the moment it seemed to take the shape of an eye, with the few lines that curved above it, like loose strands of hair. 

_Dave tried to answer, but it was like his tongue was swollen in his mouth, and heavy like lead. His mouth opened and closed like a fish._  

Dave sighed, and dipped his brush in water, to clean it off, and picked it back up again to dip it in red. 

_"I don't want to talk about it. I won't." His voice was slurred with exhaustion._  

He decided, it would be an eye, and mixed the red with brown to create a burgundy color, and filled it into the iris.

  _If we called Karkat, would you talk?_ "

The lashes were long and thick, and the skin surrounding it was the color of caramel, only a tad darker. 

_"No!" He suddenly shouted. "I don't ever want to talk to him again." And in a smaller voice: "I don't ever want to see his face."_  


"Dinner!" Rose shouted, startling Dave, and making him drop his brush, leaving paint splattered on the hardwood floor.He sighed quietly and picked up the brush, not bothering to wipe up the paint. It'd dry before he could clean it up properly anyway. 

Putting his brush in the cup full of water, Dave left his room to sit at the table. Rose, well, more like Kanaya, insisted he eat their meals at the table with them. He wasn't going to be rude and turn her down, he doesn't actually live in this house after all.

Tonight was lasagna, with a side of salad. And a shit ton of ranch. For him at least. 

_He's weighing on everyone now. They're too concerned with him now to go on with their lives._  


Dave's eyebrows furrowed in thought.

What was with the constant trickle of old memories?

While he was awake nonetheless.

_He was a burden to them._  


Oh

Oh, _shit._

_He needs to remove himself from them, so he doesn't bother them any longer._  

Fuck. 

Shit. 

 He needs to open his mouth and say something.

He needs to make it go away.

He doesn't want to see this part, not when he was at his lowest.

He doesn't want to know that his lowest and an endless, black, pit. 

_His face is warm with constant tears. He doesn't take notice to the way his hands are shaking and he's sobbing, trying to breath in air. His hands jerk to the left and-_  


He's doing it, his mouth is moving silently to say his sisters name as he feels the agony and pain of that day.

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT DAVE.

You've been in speech therapy for a while now, the least you can do is say her name.

_The screeching of the tires was like a plea to leave this thought alone, but it had been too late, and blood was trickling down his face and a small content-"_  

"Rose!" Dave shouted, and his face was wet and his shades were annoying and he was so _relieved_. It was gone. He pulled his stupid dumb shades off his face and wiped his sleeved arms across his eyes as if trying to stop anymore tears from flowing.

But that was the problem. Dave never cried. Not before the whole sleeping beauty thing. And maybe now, when he cries, he's crying for all of the mistakes.

He's crying the tears that weren't shed at Bro's funeral.

Crying for the things he didn't do, for the things he could have done.

And for all the pain he had caused other people.

For all the pain he caused himself. 

And Rose was hugging him, rocking him from where he sat on the chair and Kanaya rubbing soothing circles into his back as well as Rose's. 

He wished he knew her better. 

Wished he knew her before he had to become like this- this vulnerable thing. 

Wished she wouldn't look at him with those sad eyes. 

Just like everyone else did, when they thought he wasn't looking, or paying attention.


End file.
